Gossip and Negativity

Some work environments are filled with gossip and negativity. Many people are uncomfortable with this, and yet do not know how to respond in a way that neither upsets the person gossiping, nor feeds into the cycle. If you find yourself in an environment filled with gossip, try the following:

If someone is gossiping or frequently complains to you try:

1. First empathize with the other person and acknowledge their comments. You might say, “Wow, I can see that this situation is upsetting to you.” This helps you connect with the person, helps them feel heard, and opens them up to other comments you will make.
2. Ask them how you can help. Some people just want to vent, and others want and will expect other things from you. Clarifying what they are looking for in talking with you is a good place to start.
3. Commit to not repeating what you hear or adding comments that fuel the conflict. Negativity and rumors are spread when they are repeated or encouraged.
4. Gage your comfort level listening to them. If you are uncomfortable you might say, “I can see you are really upset with X, and I want to support you in working things out with X. And as a friend of both of yours I don’t think I am the best person to support you.”
5. Return responsibility to them. If they are complaining, you might ask, “What have you tried doing and what else might you try?” Do not accept that “nothing will work.” Ask how you could support them in addressing it directly or trying to work things out.

If you are a manager:

1. Do all of the above with the exception of #4. You may have to listen regardless of your comfort level.
2. Frame the issues as a problem and work with them to problem solve.
3. Take some time in a staff meeting to have the group talk about “How complaints are dealt with and how the staff feels about repeating comments that are not respectful of others.” If the group as a whole is uncomfortable with such comments, ask them how they can respond to them in a different way. It will be much more effective if they are developing norms than if you are. You might also offer trainings as to how they can respond in supportive ways that do not feed gossip or negativity.

(c) 2003 Cheshire Mediation. All rights reserved. You are free to use material from the Conflict Management Monday eZine in whole or part as long as you include complete attribution, including live web site link and e-mail link. Please notify Cheshire Mediation when and where the material will appear.

__________________________________________

Please feel free to pass Conflict Management Monday along to any associate you feel may benefit form this information.

To subscribe to our other publication, Great Meetings Monday, click here

To unsubscribe to this publication click the link in the right column