Words that seem like feelings but are really beliefs:

Many of my newsletters deal with getting emotions into hard conversations. The reasoning for this is that many times emotions are driving the conversation. In other words, they are the real issue. The risk of getting emotions into the conversation is that if it is not done skillfully, the other person will feel blamed and become more defensive.

Because we don’t have a huge emotional vocabulary, in trying to name emotions we unwittingly often name a belief. The following words are beliefs that are often confused with emotions. Because they so strongly imply fault in the other, using any of them in a difficult conversation will increase the risk of the conversation being successful.

Words confused with feeling fearful
cornered
threatened

Words confused with feeling embarrassed
disgraced
humiliated

Words confused with feeling hurt
abused
cheated
deserted
ignored
mistreated
oppressed
rejected
scorned
snubbed

Words confused with feeling lonely
abandoned
deserted
discarded
excluded
ignored
rejected
slighted

Other beliefs confused with feelings
Belittled
betrayed
demeaned
disparaged
disrespected
insulted
persecuted
underestimated
undervalued

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