Talking Politics

Age old wisdom encourages us to avoid religion and politics in conversations. But with an election approaching, talking politics may be riskier, but also more important than ever before. So how can we talk about the elections without experiencing the fall-out of creating conflict in our relationships? I encourage people to follow the following guidelines:

1. Have modest expectations. People form their opinions over a long period of time. While we hope to have an influence, expecting to or needing to will make us less effective.

2. Remind yourself that others also want what is best for our country. The conversation is not about good and evil, but different ways of achieving what is good.

3. Be prepared to accept others who see things differently. Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I can accept myself as I am then I change, and when I accept you as you are then you change.”

4. Ask what others think and why.

5. Listen to their answers with the goal of understanding, not of finding holes to shoot in their argument. Again, if others think your goal is to shoot holes, they will disengage. Paraphrasing what they say is a good way to let them know that you heard them.

6. Agree before you disagree. Find areas if common ground and state that before you state your diverse opinions. Agreement might be something as simple as saying, “You know, I also care about (issue x)”, or “I also wish both candidates would talk more about the present than what happened 35 years ago.”

7. Ask follow up questions to understand better. You might start to introduce your thoughts a bit here, but primarily do it to explore their thinking. If you are a Kerry supporter you might say, “You know security is also important to me, and I am wondering how you weigh our diminishing status in the world community as influencing security?” If you are a Bush supporter you might say, “I also think health care is important and I am wondering if you think the government needs to be the one to provide this?” If they don’t see the complexity that you have introduced as being relevant, continue to listen without interrupting.

8. Be patient. The more time you spend on steps 1 – 7 the more likely that the other person will listen to you and respect you when you move into step 9.

9. Tell them another strategy to accomplish the goals that they named as important. Do this without saying or implying that they are wrong. Speak to their interests as you have come to understand them. If you have any experiences or stories that illustrate your point, use them.

10. Congratulate yourself for doing this hard work.

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