WHOSE BUTTONS ARE THEY?

Most of us have had the experience of having our buttons pushed. We generally have strong, frequently angry, reactions. We are set off emotionally. Our peace of mind is disturbed. When this happens, it’s often easier to focus on the person, thing or event to which we attribute the button pushing. We use expressions like “(S)he really pushes my buttons” or “That really pushed my buttons.” We may even blame them for the feelings that arise in us, perhaps making statements like “(S)he makes me so angry” or “That makes me so mad.”

But how often do we stop to think about what “my buttons” means? How often do we look at what our share of the responsibility is for our buttons being pushed? When our buttons have been pushed and we’ve been set off emotionally, it’s really a result of how we feel about something. Another person’s words or actions, certain things or events may trigger those feelings, but they’re our feelings.

The button may be contradicting beliefs or values that are important to us. It may remind us of something in the past. It may be touching some unmet need we have. May be we’re overtired, tense or stressed because of other events in our lives. There are numerous other possibilities. Each of those possibilities, however, relates to us, not the occurrence. Our peace of mind is disturbed by our reaction to the occurrence, not by the occurrence itself. The source of our feelings lies somewhere within our own minds or bodies. Next time someone or something really pushes your buttons why not take a moment to step back and consider:

What exactly is it about the occurrence that has stimulated your emotional response?
What is the true cause or source of your feelings?

Did something contradict your beliefs and values? Are you uncomfortable with people having beliefs or values that are different from yours? Does it relate to your self-worth?

Has it stimulated a memory of something in the past? When was the first time you remember this pushing your buttons? Do your feelings relate back to that time?

Are there other things that really push your buttons? Is there a common thread between them? Is this something that would always push your buttons or is it just pushing your buttons now? Are you tired, tense or stressed because of other things?

If we’re able to identify the true source of our feelings, maybe there’s something we might do differently in the future so it doesn’t push our buttons again, for they are, after all, our buttons.

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