E-Mail

In difficult conversations many of us feel more comfortable writing out what we want to say rather than speaking directly to the other person. The advantage of doing this is that we tend to feel safer, and we can be very thoughtful about what we write. However there are also some disadvantages to writing and sending emails. First, at least 70 percent of communication is non verbal. Therefore, if there is not trust, those receiving the message will almost always spin it in the worst possible way. Furthermore, as Bill Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, writes: “the other thing to keep in mind is the nature of “reply” buttons—I’ve noticed that …. People instantly hit “reply” – or worse yet they hit “reply all” – and the messages have escalatory effects on office conflicts, personal conflicts, and so on. So it’s very important to hit “draft”—and then wait twenty-four hours and ask yourself: “Is this message really going to advance my interests, my purpose in this situation.”

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