The Platinum Rule

Most people have heard of the Golden Rule – Do unto others and you would have them do onto you. While this rule is helpful in many situations, the problem with it is that many people do not want to be treated as we would want to be. Therefore the Platinum Rule goes one step further by asking us to “Do unto others as they would have us do unto them.”

In my conflict management work I daily see the importance of moving from the Golden Rule which uses us as the reference point, to the Platinum Rule which recognizes that everyone is different. Personally, I usually don’t get upset when others interrupt me. However, recently while consulting on a project with an African American woman, I realized that it means something totally different to her when she is interrupted by a white man. It is not accurate or helpful for me to assume that others will be impacted by my actions the same way I would be impacted.

Other examples of ways others might want to be treated differently than we do include how people want to receive difficult feedback-- some people want feedback immediately regardless of whom else is around and others want feedback after being given a heads up that some feedback is coming—or how people want to enter a conversation--some people want to be invited into a conversation and others perceive direct questions or invitations as “prying” or putting them on the spot.

Given how different we all are, we are not safe to assume that others want to be treated as we do. So remember the Platinum Rule—Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.

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