Listening Exercises to Try on Your Own

In the last few e-zines I have been talking about the importance of listening in resolving conflicts. While some might think listening is too basic a skill to focus on, poor listening is a part of almost all conflicts. In conflicts we almost always try to persuade the other to see things from our perspective, which presents none of the potential leverage for change that listening and understanding the other's perspective presents.

So, it seems that it would be easy to keep conflict from escalating by just listening. However, listening is one of those activities that is easier said than done. In this e-zine I give some exercises to improve your listening skills.

1. In a conflict challenge yourself to see how long you can just listen to the other person and their perspective. When they are saying something that contradicts your perspective, see if you can check your reactions and continue exploring their story. Ask questions. If your mind starts to drift, return to the other person's story, almost as though you are watching a movie or reading a great novel. Be curious. See how much you can learn about their story without talking about yourself or your perspective. As you come to understand their experience, acknowledge it. Let them know that you understand how hard the situation must have been for them.

2. Listen to a radio or TV talk show that has the opposite views from your own. Be aware of how your knee-jerk reactions are keeping you from listening. Work to process information contrary to your beliefs without becoming defensive or argumentative. Try to see that views that are not yours are not necessarily wrong, they are just another view. See how focused and concentrated your listening can become. Discuss what you heard with a friend and see how fairly you can represent the views you do not agree with.

3. Tape yourself talking on the phone. Notice how often you use filler words such as "Uhm". Notice any habits of speech you have developed. Think about what you might like to try to do differently to become a better listener.

4. If you work with clients, it is generally easier to keep them and have them accept difficult news from you when you have a relationship with them. Work on getting to know your clients. Try to remember their names and learn things about them. Set goals for yourself on how many new names and people you will get to know and remember each week.

Some of these exercises were taken from The Zen of Listening, by Rebecca Shafir