Personality Conflicts

People have different preferences which can lead to conflict. Introverts like to process internally while extroverts like to “think out loud”. When extroverts are talking introverts often secretly want them to just shut up so they can think. Extroverts take an introverts silence to mean a lack of interest. An extrovert’s solution—talk more in a more animated manner.

Another personality difference is our desire for closure. Some of us like to keep things open and others want to check things off our lists. A list checker (more of a male trait) is try get rid of the task. The goal is completion. When shopping a list checker often buys the first item he sees. This gives him a great sense of accomplishment. A shopper however, wants to look at things. She is not trying to accomplish a task but rather to enjoy the process. The shopper doesn’t want to buy something lest she loses the pleasure of exploring options.

If you find yourself in a conflict due to different personalities you might find the following guidelines helpful.

1. Be aware of your preferences and don’t judge them as better. While people who get stuck in “too much detail” might drive you nuts, there are times when you will need to pay attention to details.

2. Communicate your needs. A great deal of the conflict regarding personalities is that we assume others are like us. Without stating your needs, which are different than the other person’s needs, they might not know what would help you.

3. Think of the downside of your preferences (buying too quickly and making a poor choice, or not being able to make a decision when you need to).

4. Laugh at yourself.

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