Types of questions

When you are in the position of helping others resolve differences, the most helpful tool you have is asking good questions. Below are some different kinds of questions, a bit of information about them, and a few examples of each. While the list was written for those mediating, many of the same questions would be useful in a conflict that you are a party to.

Questions that gather information and build trust
• Are often open questions
• Are more common early in mediations
o “Can you give me an example of that?”
o “Can you tell me more about your view of ________?”

Questions that explore interests
• Help mediators understand what is most important to clients
o “Can you help me understand why that is important to you?”
o “What concerns you about this situation?”
o “How does _____affect you?”

Questions that help the parties explore solutions
• Should not lead the parties to your solutions
• Encourage the parties to do the work of negotiating
o “What other things might you try?”
o “What would make this idea more acceptable to you?”

Questions that pose hypothetical situations
• Can help the parties more beyond impasse
• Ask the parties how the outcome of something yet to be determined would affect their thinking
o “If the other party agreed to do x, how might that affect your thinking about y?”

Reality Checking Questions
• Help the parties explore the outcomes that they are talking about
o “What might be the problems with this idea?”
o “If you can’t resolve this here today, how will that impact you?”
o “What is the impact on you as a small town contractor if people start questioning your reputation?”

Questions that Pose the Parties with their Dilemmas
• Lay the struggle of one of the parties right at their feet
• Help the mediator not feel responsible for solving the conflict
o “So your dilemma is that you like this job a lot and you make a good living at it, but you are unsure if you can continue because you don’t feel respected. Is that correct?”

Questions that explore the impact of the conflict
• Help parties assess the cost of continuing the conflict
o “What has it been like to live with this conflict for the past years?”
o “What do you imagine the next years will be like if you don’t resolve this?”
o “Given the cost, is the continuation of this conflict acceptable?”

Questions that invite parties to reflect on what they personally contributed to the conflict
• Assists in resolution when each party can own their contribution
o “What do each of you think you might have contributed to this conflict?”
o “Is there anything that, in the best of all worlds, you might wish you hadn’t done that might have contributed to this conflict?”