Guidelines for Giving and Receiving Feedback

Often conflict erupts out of our best attempts to give feedback to others. Giving feedback can be tricky. It can easily make the receiver defensive. Under these conditions, those giving feedback can feel ignored or misunderstood. To make feedback go more smoothly, use the following guidelines:

• My assumptions:
  1. Feedback is a two-way dialogue; there are things both parties can do to make it more positive.
  2. The goal is not to criticize, or point out flaws . . . the goal is to learn something, to notice more, and to exchange information so that things can work better.
  3. Without feedback we cannot be at our best
  
  Listeners Job:
  
• Reflective listening.
  
• Ask questions which clarify anything you did not understand (not things you understand and don't agree with)
  
• Literally repeat back to the other person what you heard
  
  
  Givers Job
  
• Choose the one or two things that are most important to share
  
• Ask the other person if it is good time to talk about the topic. If not schedule another time.
  
• Ask the person how they thought the situation went
  
• Be descriptive. Give specific examples
  
• Be balanced
  
• Remember - You are not the expert; you are just another set of eyes and ears. Explore with and support the other person.

• Choose one or two things that are most important to share and think about how you want to share them. Feedback should be short and to the point. (You might want to jot down some notes).
  
  
• Ask if you could talk to the other party. Invite them into a conversation. You might even schedule it. This gives them a bit of control over the situation and helps insure that it takes place at a good time.

• Ask them how they thought the situation went or how they experienced it. While they may be unaware, they may be more critical of themselves than you would have been. They will be less defensive if you can build on their self reflections.
  
  
• Be descriptive and not judgmental. Give specific examples of things you noticed.
  
  
• Balance positives and negatives. Always give some feedback about things you thought went well. If you can do so sincerely, tell them many things that you thought went well.
  
  
• Use words that suggests you want to work with the person, not do something to him or her.
  
  
• Don't accuse; rather share observations. Don't talk as if you have all the answers. Don't make absolute statements. Make tentative ones (for example, "sometimes" rather than "every time" or "you never. ..").
  
  
• Make offers to help

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